The material posted below was written by Randy Becton. Randy wrestled with cancer more than once. As a result of his experiences he wrote several articles for those touched by illness. Long ago when the internet was young (I guess Al Gore was younger too), Randy gave me permission to share this article. Since that time some of his articles have been published and though this material is copyrighted I believe that Randy's permission is still valid.
You Are NOT Alone
A visit with Randy Becton--
I don't know all that you have gone through, nor do I understand it. But I do feel that we, being Christians, would become close friends if we had even a short time together, not only because we share our faith but also because we have to face a common enemy. Since a personal visit is not possible, I wanted to share, by this means, some things with you.
Think about what cancer has done to you and me. It has attacked our sense of security and well-being, our time to live, our work, our homes, and our families and their future. Maybe it's even troubled our faith.
During those weeks in the hospital, I received the beginning treatments of chemotherapy with their painfully severe reactions and side effects. It was so hard for me to fight the almost unbearable depression that set in during these days. I was afraid; and as one Christian who visited me later told me, "You seemed depressed about being afraid." I guess I was because I was disappointed about not having a stronger faith when this crisis hit me.
I had been a faithful Christian, I believe, honestly seeking to do God's will in my life. I had often told people of God's love for us and how "all things work together for good for those who love him."[1] But somehow it was so easy to say then but so hard to really believe and rely on when cancer struck. Cancer threatened everything precious to me.
Every time I thought about my three small children (one of them only six months old), I would cry and cry, because I feared they would soon lose me as their father. Daily I would have my wife by my side; but at night when she went away for a few hours' rest, I would wonder if when she awoke the next morning she would be a widow. That thought almost overwhelmed me and kept me almost always in a state of depression. As you read this maybe your own thoughts go to similar things you've thought about, cried about, worried endlessly over, and prayed fervently about.
My prayers during this time pleaded with God. First, I needed to know with certainty that he loved me. I felt so helpless, so alone. In fact the aloneness I felt in suffering, the uncertainty of facing a large unknown were strong emotions I experienced. I confess that I doubted that God really loved me. If he did, I reasoned, then why did he let this happen to me? I had tried to serve him, but in the strength of my life I felt he had allowed me to be cut down. Death as a prospect at this time didn't come as a friend but as a horrible enemy. I longed for God to be close to me. I needed him so badly in the midst of the valley of the shadow of death. I felt maybe a little like Jesus felt in Gethsemane when he said, "My soul is sorrowful."[2]
You may think, "Well, how weak Randy's faith was." If so, you're exactly right. I doubted; I was anxious; I was depressed. Somehow, though, I feel that God accepted me in those feelings. He knew and, much more important, he helped me know that "It's alright for you to feel this way."
I talked to him about it all. Everything. Even my anger and bitterness. During this time I needed someone who understood me and accepted me. And I tell you without any doubt and with full exultation God heard me; and like the loving Father he is, he surrounded me with his understanding, and I felt secure in his arms of love.
I was convinced that it is right to cry out to God. It is an appropriate response of our humanity to bare ourselves before him in the midst of our suffering, our pain, our disappointments, as well as our hopes, expectations and joy. It is always proper for a child to be honest with his father. It is always right for a child to ask from his father.
When I became a Christian, I received a "spirit of sonship."[3] If you've doubted that God really loves you, I want you to know that I know exactly what you felt. It's normal to experience that valley. Maybe you are in it now and are finding it very hard to come out. I wish you'd write me and tell me about it. I'd write back and share some other things that also helped me come back out. And by the way, that battle is a continuous one in my life. I still experience valleys, doubts, and serious struggles with depression. I struggle one day at a time.
I have found some truths from God that help me live each day. I'd like to share them in the hope that you will share some with me.
First, God gave me and you life - every day is a gift from him. Cancer just sharpens our focus on the fact that life is "as a vapor."[4] Lengths of days at best is short; therefore, we need to concentrate on living each day as a celebration of life. If we pause for a moment, we'll remember that everyone is terminal!
This is a time when we have some regrets and possibly make some resolutions. We may promise that if our health is stabilized, there are some areas of life that we plan to live differently. I have found that I have to be careful not to dwell constantly on personal regrets, nor go too far in making great resolutions, although some of each seem to be normal and probably helpful.
Secondly, it helps me to remember that I have something secure that cancer cannot threaten - Jesus Christ. My true identity is in being God's son with all the rights and privileges that go with it. God said that as his child I can trust him.[5] He said that nothing can separate me from the love he has for me.[6] He said that when my "earthly tent"[7] folds up, even if by cancer, he will give me a dwelling eternal, one that will never fold up. I believe him. He is trustworthy. Oh, sure, sometimes I waver but in those times I pray, "Lord, I believe, help thou my unbelief." Sometimes "faith is the bird that feels the light ... and sings ... when the dawn is still dark." Maybe it's hard for you, like it is for me, to walk by faith, not by sight. But every day I remind myself that I'm a son of God, a child of the King, and my security and hope are in him. And remember you must decide to trust. It is a matter of your will - not how you feel. Decide every day, even every hour to trust. During my periods of uneasiness, apprehension, or fear, I say, "Lord, I'm going to trust you. Help me." He does. He will help you!
Third, remember that earlier I told you about praying. When you pray, I suggest you tell God exactly how you feel and exactly what you want. That's what he wants --whatever is really on your heart. It will probably help you to remember your Lord did that in Gethsemane when he said: "Abba, Father, all things are possible to thee; remove this cup from me; yet not what I will but what thou wilt."[8] Remember I said it is good for a child to be honest with his father. That applies to you too. Express your heart fully. But notice that it must follow in my life and yours that our spirit seeks to be in the center of God's will. We want most for his will to be done. I pray to live; I tell the Father why, then I seek to tell him that I know he knows what's best for me, his child. Isn't the whole point of my life in Christ to "do my Father's will"?
Fourth, keep in mind at all times: you are not alone! When it hurts, during tests and medication, in uncertainty, when no one really understands - - he is with you. Accept his promise that whenever you are "in the valley" he is there.[9]
Fifth, other brothers and sisters are experiencing similar trials. We are trying to endure and ... by God's power ... we will. Pray for me. I'll pray for you. We're in this together.
Remember to "trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own insight."[10] Remember also, that no matter how many dark days you may have, no matter how many losing days ... the last day you are a winner! God, by Jesus' resurrection, will keep his promise:
If the spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will give life to your mortal bodies also through his Spirit which dwells in you."[11]
If you've asked why? and all you've heard is silence in your suffering, I'd like to send you a little study I had a part in preparing entitled "Does He Cry With Me?" Maybe it will help, even though now "we see through a glass darkly." [12] There's a lot I don't know, and being no giant of faith, I waver often; but I do know this: I know my father; I love my father; I trust my father. He is my anchor point. He sustains me. When I think that my loving father controls the last hour, then trusting him with the next moment becomes easier.
I've been personal with you. I hope you haven't been offended. I just wanted to share my struggle with you. I would appreciate it if you would share yours with me. Maybe you can help strengthen my faith. I need that help. Maybe you want to talk with the one who gave you this material. Talking with someone close to you holds great promise of being helpful to you. Or maybe you want to share some of your feelings, whether fear or trust, joy or pain, with me. I promise to respond because I care.
My prayer for you is this:
0 God, you gave my friend and me life and hope in Jesus Christ. This health crisis has shaken us. We ask you for strength spiritually. Understand our emotions of anger, bitterness, fear, anxiety. Help us trust you and commit our way to you. Thank you for understanding. Be very close to us we pray in Jesus' name.
FOOTNOTES:
[1] Romans 8:28
[2] Mark 14:34
[3] read Romans 8:15-17; Galatians 4:4-7
[4] James 4:14
[5] Romans 8:18-24
[6] Romans 8:38,39
[7] II Corinthians 5:1
[8] Matthew 26:39
[9] Psalm 23
[10] Proverbs 3:5
[11] Romans 8:11
[12] I Corinthians 13:12
This pamphlet was formerly available in published form through the Caring Cancer Ministry but Randy has given his permission to make this copyrighted material available on the World Wide Web as a service to families going through difficult times. He did ask that we include links to
the National Cancer Institute
and the
Herald of Truth.
May you find Peace that is independent of circumstances -- Shalom.
Gary Lowe
[email protected]
Originally Posted online on 4/8/97
I don't know all that you have gone through, nor do I understand it. But I do feel that we, being Christians, would become close friends if we had even a short time together, not only because we share our faith but also because we have to face a common enemy. Since a personal visit is not possible, I wanted to share, by this means, some things with you.
Think about what cancer has done to you and me. It has attacked our sense of security and well-being, our time to live, our work, our homes, and our families and their future. Maybe it's even troubled our faith.
During those weeks in the hospital, I received the beginning treatments of chemotherapy with their painfully severe reactions and side effects. It was so hard for me to fight the almost unbearable depression that set in during these days. I was afraid; and as one Christian who visited me later told me, "You seemed depressed about being afraid." I guess I was because I was disappointed about not having a stronger faith when this crisis hit me.
I had been a faithful Christian, I believe, honestly seeking to do God's will in my life. I had often told people of God's love for us and how "all things work together for good for those who love him."[1] But somehow it was so easy to say then but so hard to really believe and rely on when cancer struck. Cancer threatened everything precious to me.
Every time I thought about my three small children (one of them only six months old), I would cry and cry, because I feared they would soon lose me as their father. Daily I would have my wife by my side; but at night when she went away for a few hours' rest, I would wonder if when she awoke the next morning she would be a widow. That thought almost overwhelmed me and kept me almost always in a state of depression. As you read this maybe your own thoughts go to similar things you've thought about, cried about, worried endlessly over, and prayed fervently about.
My prayers during this time pleaded with God. First, I needed to know with certainty that he loved me. I felt so helpless, so alone. In fact the aloneness I felt in suffering, the uncertainty of facing a large unknown were strong emotions I experienced. I confess that I doubted that God really loved me. If he did, I reasoned, then why did he let this happen to me? I had tried to serve him, but in the strength of my life I felt he had allowed me to be cut down. Death as a prospect at this time didn't come as a friend but as a horrible enemy. I longed for God to be close to me. I needed him so badly in the midst of the valley of the shadow of death. I felt maybe a little like Jesus felt in Gethsemane when he said, "My soul is sorrowful."[2]
You may think, "Well, how weak Randy's faith was." If so, you're exactly right. I doubted; I was anxious; I was depressed. Somehow, though, I feel that God accepted me in those feelings. He knew and, much more important, he helped me know that "It's alright for you to feel this way."
I talked to him about it all. Everything. Even my anger and bitterness. During this time I needed someone who understood me and accepted me. And I tell you without any doubt and with full exultation God heard me; and like the loving Father he is, he surrounded me with his understanding, and I felt secure in his arms of love.
I was convinced that it is right to cry out to God. It is an appropriate response of our humanity to bare ourselves before him in the midst of our suffering, our pain, our disappointments, as well as our hopes, expectations and joy. It is always proper for a child to be honest with his father. It is always right for a child to ask from his father.
When I became a Christian, I received a "spirit of sonship."[3] If you've doubted that God really loves you, I want you to know that I know exactly what you felt. It's normal to experience that valley. Maybe you are in it now and are finding it very hard to come out. I wish you'd write me and tell me about it. I'd write back and share some other things that also helped me come back out. And by the way, that battle is a continuous one in my life. I still experience valleys, doubts, and serious struggles with depression. I struggle one day at a time.
I have found some truths from God that help me live each day. I'd like to share them in the hope that you will share some with me.
First, God gave me and you life - every day is a gift from him. Cancer just sharpens our focus on the fact that life is "as a vapor."[4] Lengths of days at best is short; therefore, we need to concentrate on living each day as a celebration of life. If we pause for a moment, we'll remember that everyone is terminal!
This is a time when we have some regrets and possibly make some resolutions. We may promise that if our health is stabilized, there are some areas of life that we plan to live differently. I have found that I have to be careful not to dwell constantly on personal regrets, nor go too far in making great resolutions, although some of each seem to be normal and probably helpful.
Secondly, it helps me to remember that I have something secure that cancer cannot threaten - Jesus Christ. My true identity is in being God's son with all the rights and privileges that go with it. God said that as his child I can trust him.[5] He said that nothing can separate me from the love he has for me.[6] He said that when my "earthly tent"[7] folds up, even if by cancer, he will give me a dwelling eternal, one that will never fold up. I believe him. He is trustworthy. Oh, sure, sometimes I waver but in those times I pray, "Lord, I believe, help thou my unbelief." Sometimes "faith is the bird that feels the light ... and sings ... when the dawn is still dark." Maybe it's hard for you, like it is for me, to walk by faith, not by sight. But every day I remind myself that I'm a son of God, a child of the King, and my security and hope are in him. And remember you must decide to trust. It is a matter of your will - not how you feel. Decide every day, even every hour to trust. During my periods of uneasiness, apprehension, or fear, I say, "Lord, I'm going to trust you. Help me." He does. He will help you!
Third, remember that earlier I told you about praying. When you pray, I suggest you tell God exactly how you feel and exactly what you want. That's what he wants --whatever is really on your heart. It will probably help you to remember your Lord did that in Gethsemane when he said: "Abba, Father, all things are possible to thee; remove this cup from me; yet not what I will but what thou wilt."[8] Remember I said it is good for a child to be honest with his father. That applies to you too. Express your heart fully. But notice that it must follow in my life and yours that our spirit seeks to be in the center of God's will. We want most for his will to be done. I pray to live; I tell the Father why, then I seek to tell him that I know he knows what's best for me, his child. Isn't the whole point of my life in Christ to "do my Father's will"?
Fourth, keep in mind at all times: you are not alone! When it hurts, during tests and medication, in uncertainty, when no one really understands - - he is with you. Accept his promise that whenever you are "in the valley" he is there.[9]
Fifth, other brothers and sisters are experiencing similar trials. We are trying to endure and ... by God's power ... we will. Pray for me. I'll pray for you. We're in this together.
Remember to "trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own insight."[10] Remember also, that no matter how many dark days you may have, no matter how many losing days ... the last day you are a winner! God, by Jesus' resurrection, will keep his promise:
If the spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will give life to your mortal bodies also through his Spirit which dwells in you."[11]
If you've asked why? and all you've heard is silence in your suffering, I'd like to send you a little study I had a part in preparing entitled "Does He Cry With Me?" Maybe it will help, even though now "we see through a glass darkly." [12] There's a lot I don't know, and being no giant of faith, I waver often; but I do know this: I know my father; I love my father; I trust my father. He is my anchor point. He sustains me. When I think that my loving father controls the last hour, then trusting him with the next moment becomes easier.
I've been personal with you. I hope you haven't been offended. I just wanted to share my struggle with you. I would appreciate it if you would share yours with me. Maybe you can help strengthen my faith. I need that help. Maybe you want to talk with the one who gave you this material. Talking with someone close to you holds great promise of being helpful to you. Or maybe you want to share some of your feelings, whether fear or trust, joy or pain, with me. I promise to respond because I care.
My prayer for you is this:
0 God, you gave my friend and me life and hope in Jesus Christ. This health crisis has shaken us. We ask you for strength spiritually. Understand our emotions of anger, bitterness, fear, anxiety. Help us trust you and commit our way to you. Thank you for understanding. Be very close to us we pray in Jesus' name.
FOOTNOTES:
[1] Romans 8:28
[2] Mark 14:34
[3] read Romans 8:15-17; Galatians 4:4-7
[4] James 4:14
[5] Romans 8:18-24
[6] Romans 8:38,39
[7] II Corinthians 5:1
[8] Matthew 26:39
[9] Psalm 23
[10] Proverbs 3:5
[11] Romans 8:11
[12] I Corinthians 13:12
This pamphlet was formerly available in published form through the Caring Cancer Ministry but Randy has given his permission to make this copyrighted material available on the World Wide Web as a service to families going through difficult times. He did ask that we include links to
the National Cancer Institute
and the
Herald of Truth.
May you find Peace that is independent of circumstances -- Shalom.
Gary Lowe
[email protected]
Originally Posted online on 4/8/97
